What does the hair mean?

When I was a teenager I hated when my mother cut my hair. I felt awful when my hair began falling out in my early 20s in a typical male pattern.

When I started hormones I thought a little bit about cutting it to something like pixie haircut but I didn’t do it. Couple of months later I got some hair transplants and fixed my hairline and I felt good, my wallet not as much.

Here I am sitting in Tallinn thinking why do I even have long hair, below shoulders. It doesn’t serve a proper function like pubic hair or eye brows. I also noticed that I have lost some hair on top of my head. I am not sure if this was there before or if I noticed it week or two ago. It might be stress related because 2016 is awful year so far.

Strangely I don’t feel dysphoria about it, it’s female pattern after all. It feels more natural. My self-esteem is fine and I am not anxious about it. At the moment I am thinking about timing of next haircut and whether I should shave my head in one step or do pixie haircut and then got rid of the rest.

I will look like cute Azog in the end. It’s just hair.