For a long time I’ve felt lost because the light at the end of the tunnel was visible but too far away. The summer didn’t help much because I’m not a desert creature, I am more of a Stark than Dothraki, and hot weather doesn’t suit me. Last summer was about surviving the heat and the depression because I wasn’t moving forward almost at all.
Despite the heatwave I was able to undergo a small operation, change my name and finally two weeks ago get my new IDs. Those were 3 slow months. My energy levels aren’t still where I want them to be but my feet don’t hurt when I stand at my desk after two or three hours.
In one recent post I wrote about being anxious about creating things, I am fighting that too and discovering that it’s not half bad. There’s a long way to go but I think I didn’t waste my time entirely on design theory. In last 21 months I read a lot because I was burned out from career I didn’t want to follow, I’ve also experienced Autistic burnout so recovery from both was quite nasty.
I am proud that I’ve survived focusing on things I will do when I am no longer living in Czech republic. Now I am working towards them even though I am not in the top shape. It’s better to be working on things than waiting for something which might not exist.